My own awakening continues to occur, although there was my personal version of the “big bang theory” that I may have shared over the years, and feel drawn to sharing again here and now……………….

I was in massage school, in a new kinder, sweeter marriage, with my two children being torn between their father and I. I had an insurance agency and was honestly one of the worst agents, because with all the compassion I had when someone was in an accident, or had a home loss, I stepped way beyond the extra mile, and lost money and time as a result. I found massage as an additional pursuit, and loved being massaged twice a week. I wasn’t really there for the learning as much as I was to be the happy, grateful recipient of that yummy flowing bodywork.

At the end of the massage course, as part of the certification program, we were invited, as a strong suggestion to pass the whole course, to attend an overnight 2 full days of a retreat. There was to be no caffeine, chocolate or processed anything. It was a vegan and mostly raw food set up, with plenty of tea and water. I wasn’t anywhere near my healthiest eating plan then, and sort of dreaded this austere set of dietary rules, but it was only for 2 days. I felt I could do that.

The days were full of massage, sharing, instruction and a sense of spinning our energies into a higher frequency. Even the lighter food contributed to this experience.

On the first evening, one of the recipients of massage had a complete meltdown, weeping openly. Then someone else did that, and someone after them. The facilitator was also the owner of the school, and in a sharing circle at the end of the evening, she explained that this was a layers leaving the body kind of opening, which would change the person involved, like a kundalini awakening. I sort of wanted to experience this and sort of didn’t.

The part of me wanting to join in this awakening didn’t wish to be left out of knowing what that was like, while the part of me that didn’t, was uncertain of what would happen to me afterwards. The next day I lay on the table of one of the students who had helped open the door to one of the meltdowns the night before. I lay there, choosing to focus on my greatest fear. I was terrified of my own mortality. I was afraid of death and dying. I was scared that I would not exist and the me that lay on that table would disappear, to never be ever again. It was a huge fear, and I lay there breathing into it, facing it and inviting the fear to show up. As it did, the breathing turned to shaking, vibrating through my whole body. I was cold on the outside, while burning up on the inside.

I could feel all the fear and was simply breathing through it. After a while, the fear subsided, giving way to a blissful, calm, peaceful entry where all was well. There was a completely different focus in me, and the whole room felt very different. The room swirled with love. I felt love for everyone and everything. I was in a blurry state of bliss. It was the loveliest experience I’d ever had.

This was one of my greatest and most memorable fresh awakening experiences.

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Love & Blessings,

Ruth

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