While I share this with you, I am sat on a comfortable sofa, with my heart in my hand, wearing a mixture of lovely amber jewelry that my mum gave me and wore. This time last year she asked me if I would drop my life to go help her with hers, which was in great decline.

I left Maui, sold and gave away everything and literally shipped what was left of the life I had truly begun to successfully build, into 14 boxes, sent from my apartment to the flat that my eldest brother allowed my mum to live in.

I had met a very special man and had three extraordinary days with him and the last night and day with very dear friends before I left my sunny island home, to return to Great Britain, with no plan at all.

I took two long airplane journeys to reach her flat, via Canada. One of them had a long layover, allowing me to have a 90 minute massage, before my second plane. It was such a smart idea, followed by a light meal, and a sleepy movie trip to land in London. Her private car drove me a further 2 hours to her and I was met by my favorite woman on this planet, with hugs, smiles and love, before crashing out.

She wasn’t walking well, hadn’t left home in months, was challenged with simple self -care tasks. I often went to bed and had a little cry at the decline I witnessed. The love we always shared was really evident and strong at this time for me.

Her and I spent several months simply sitting in her front room, overlooking the river Thames, chatting, drawing Angel cards, sharing stories of our years in the healing center I had, our family, friends, people we cared about and life in general.

She sat in the kitchen, laughing and bossing me around while I baked her cake recipes and we froze them for Christmas gifts for her neighbors and community, while arranging for a bunch of special people she cared about to collect the cakes we made for the week we were in. It was special to her and honestly such a great experience for me. I knew this time would be cherished in future.

We watched cooking shows, great British dramas, ate fabulous take-out and I walked to shops to make her gourmet meals every day. I bought a little smart car, which was perfect to take mum with me, even if she sat in the car, it was still a change of scenery for her.

There were occasional scares, when she couldn’t breathe and was whisked off to hospital in an ambulance in the middle of the night. I would give her my iPad to watch downloaded movies and then create her favorite meals for when she came home. I missed her so much when she didn’t sleep in her own room.

I stayed in contact with some dear friends, who offered me the possibility of returning to America, but I wasn’t ready. This was my life for several months, with a few job interviews and nothing that lasted at all, taking me into the autumn.

My eldest billionaire brother made it clear I wasn’t expected or really entirely welcome to stay at the flat he had willed to his daughter much longer and it was time for me to be in my own life.  I was shocked and then decided that perhaps it was time to leave.

Fortunately, my mum was stable, we had arranged daily carers, good emergency systems with push button chains that were in place, and my niece visited her every week, providing loving manicures.

I froze meals, left her with lotions and soothing skin butters to ease her aching 89 year old body, while I arranged to leave England via a couple of fantastic short, European trips, that led to me to the wonderful man in Maui by the end of November. It was a chance he and I were intentionally taking, as I once again shipped the 14 boxes to paradise and to him.

I was home and my man very quickly became a life partner beyond my wildest dreams.

My mum and I spoke every other day and she was truly happy that I was in my life, while she was cared for in hers. I missed her and the Skype calls were an essential part of life.

On January 29 at around lunch time for me, and evening for her, she rang me and I could hear her saying “hello” and yet she couldn’t hear me. I tried to call her back and there was no reply.

 I wrote her an email, letting her know how sorry I was to have missed her. I would never know how much.

On January 29th the phone rang very late at night.

I knew.

I didn’t want to answer the phone. My niece was there and my mum had left my World and this life. She had let go.

With all my spiritual training and all I knew, nothing could have ever really prepared me for being here without her. When someone you have known with all your heart leaves, there’s this gap that nothing and nobody can fill or replace. It’s both beautiful and impossible.

She is in my energy field every day, sometimes all day long, and when I’m not listening, she shows up with my man. She brings very clear messages, love and clarity. The readings have absolutely become more powerful and enriching since her passage.

I wear her jewelry and I am able to be completely planted in my darling America, without feeling torn because she was in England, and yet I would take any and all challenges to sit and talk with her physically for more time and more years. Physically letting go of my all-time best mum will always be tough and I will love her forever and ever until I see her on the plane that she is at.

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Love & Blessings,
Ruth

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